The Fossil of My Heart

Were we in love?

I knew what I wanted to answer. I wanted to shout YES from every rooftop. The years I've existed have given me a kind of wisdom -- or maybe just caution or over-developed self-preservation, or maybe it's only weary determination. Despite all that, she manipulated me to the point where I couldn't lie.

Actually, I really didn't know how to answer for "we." I only knew "I." I love her.

What started in Sunnydale as a teen attraction, harmless flirtation, the conquest of a rival's boyfriend, turned into shared danger, shared sorrow, shared joy. And somewhere along the way, that shallow teen turned into a woman of passion and conviction and bravery - so much like another woman I loved.

I wanted to answer for the "we." I wanted to tell her she loved me. I think she did, but I may just be fooling myself. So I told her only what I knew, not what I thought. Maybe she saw through me. She has that talent. Or maybe I'm the fool again...

The fossil of my heart is a wizened thing. It may not beat, but for one moment suspended in time, I know it moved.

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