A Slice of Now

This is your soul.

This is your soul on drugs.

If it wasn't so sad it'd be funny that my life has become a "just say no" ad.

I had a lot of time to think about everything that happened with Rebecca, tied all night to the bed as I was. The choices I made, the mistakes. A lesson I'll not soon forget. That's what comes of not paying attention.

I'm not sure I know what drew me to her, but I think it was her loneliness, her vulnerability. All I know is that something in her resonated with something in me. A fragility she didn't show the public but let me see. Being isolated even as she was a thread in the fabric of so many lives.

She had me with that hand on my face, a burning brand, a visceral connection I tried so hard to deny. No one has touched me like that since Buffy. But I don't really want to go there.

Wes picked up on it right away. He's been here for such a short time but he knows me -- a little too well for my comfort. Cordy does too. It took courage to come to Rebecca's armed only with a cross and her wits. Fast thinking with the water. They could have both been killed, not a usual fringe benefit of friendship.

Like it or not I have eternity to review my sins but I've accepted the fact that mostly what defines my life is a slice of now. That's all any of us really have.

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